Bad News

I have been dealing with this news all day. It's difficult.

Fernando and Olalla got married yesterday. What a sneaky devil. While we were all watching the Champions League final (GREAT game, by the way) he was tying the knot at a Spanish city hall, with two people in attendance.

I need to retreat to my literary world where Fernando is going to marry Olga. This is just too much for me.

I also need to get a life.

He was scoring them for you and me, for LFC, Fernando!

Even though this is mostly unnecessary, here is some information that you are supposed to have going into this torrid month we call NaNoWriMo:

1) How old is your character?
Yes, this year I will actually establish Olga's age! She's twenty one at the start, but it will probably occur over more than a year, so early twenties.

2) What is their gender?
Olga is a girl, traditionally feminine, but not overly "girly."

3) What do they do for work?
Olga will work at Liverpool's Melwood Training Ground, where she will work in the sports medicine clinic. She has a kinesiology degree, and has always loved sports, so it's a perfect fit. It's pretty entry-level, however, so she mostly cleans things (this is also because she's a woman, and will likely face a lot of sexism in the workplace) and does simple exercises with patients. The patients will be both reserve team members as well as first team members. She won't like a lot of the players, as they will be disrespectful, cocky, and self-important. She won't be payed that much for her work.

4) Who are their friends, family, and love interests?
Well, there's obviously Fernando, love of her life. Fernando is Spanish, comes from a lower class background, so he is really dedicated to football as a career. He is a family man, wants to start a family, and has traditional ideas about women's roles. This will cause problems for them as Olga is career-oriented and something of a feminist, although she probably wouldn't describe herself as one. She will be in conflict with her parents for leaving to marry Fernando, as they seriously disapprove. Her extended Dutch family will also figure in, I hope, with a return of Colijn, Aunt Corinne and Uncle Dirk. She will be friends with WAGS, but she won't hang out with them very much as she is really different from them. Her best friend will be Sam, who works as a receptionist at Melwood, and is dating Tim O'Shea. While Sam will be more of a traditional WAG than Olga, they'll still be friends because Sam has her own career and goals, and has more substance than the other WAGS seem to have.

5) What is their living space like?
When Olga first moves to Liverpool, her and Fernando will live in a small, downtown one-bedroom apartment as he is just a reserve (who gets called up to sit on the bench once in a while, but is yet to play). He will get a big raise and be called up more often after a key Champions League goal and they will move into a house with a treehouse in the backyard. I think that would be fun. Collectively they don't really have that much stuff, so their house will seem pretty empty.

6) What are their hobbies?
Olga loves to play football, watch football, talk football, etc. She also enjoys watching hockey, and soon after she leaves Montreal the Habs will win the Stanley Cup, making her extremely homesick. She likes hanging out with Fernando at home and watching movies, and other low-key activities. She's not that big on going out, but she will once in a while with the team. Olga likes to learn, I think that she might decide that she wants to go back to school so she can become a sports medicine doctor. When not doing the above, she enjoys musical theatre, spy novels, running, traveling, and hanging out with friends. I have no idea besides that.

7) What were they doing a year ago? Five years ago?
Can You Hear the Drums, Fernando outlined exactly that.

8) What are their values and politics?
Olga isn't very political, she's probably a little left of moderate if she had to choose. She values family, love, football, and independence.

9) Setting
Rainy Liverpool

10) Decide on the POV
Contrary to what I thought I would do at the end of NaNoWriMo last year, I am going to go with first person again. I really want this to come from Olga's perspective.



Now on to prepare to watch the Champions League Final. This is so huge I can't even explain to those of you who don't understand. Wow.

Penny Lane is in My Ears and in My Eyes

I have decided to begin each chapter with a quote. But not just any quote: a Beatles quote. Why, you may ask?
1) My sophomore effort, For Liberty, Fernando takes place in Liverpool, where the Beatles originated
2) Olga really loves the Beatles
3) In a show of really poor logic, Olga decided that God existed so that the Beatles could be bigger than God so that Olga would go to Liverpool to see the Beatles landmarks and she would meet Fernando. See?

Everything's Different... Nothing's Changed

We're going in circles, it's NaNoWriMo again.
Hanson- you still have so much wisdom to bestow.

I was reading No Plot? No Problem! today, and it made me nostalgic for last year when I got to start fresh with a new character that I didn't know, I had no idea of what was going to happen, and anything was possible. But this year, as I get ready to begin my sophomore effort, I already have all of my characters (the main ones, anyway) and a lot of my plot is already out there. I didn't try to plan, dear readers, I really didn't. It just happened. Contrary to what I thought, I wasn't done with Olga and Fernando on August 1st, 2008. They stayed with me and I never stopped thinking about them.

I have a dilemma. While I really wish that I could start over and just come up with a new character and a new life, not writing about Olga and Fernando really isn't an option. They won't leave me alone. Also, my legions of fans would be upset if Olgando's epic tale didn't unfold in the coming month. I sometimes consider writing a new book during NaNoWriMo and writing For Liberty, Fernando in my spare time, but that is only a pipe dream. It would never get very far.

Therefore, I am writing this novel out of necessity, but also because I really want to write it. Does that make sense?

Alright, here are the MCs

Things I like in a novel:
·Coming of age
·Characters you know so well that when they do things you don’t like you can accept it anyway
·Character-driven books
·Wish fulfillment
·Writing about sports that is poetic and beautiful (like Nick Hornby)
·Feeling a character
·Comedy
·Relating to the characters
·Quirky characters
·Interesting places, cities and countries
·Travelling

Things I dislike in a novel:
·Dumb people
·Shallowness- I especially don’t like it in main characters, but I don’t even like it in peripheral characters either
·Characters doing inexplicable, stupid things
·Breaking up for no reason
·Getting caught
·Too much description
·Problems that can’t be solved
·Stupid misunderstandings
·Characters not communicating with one another, with stupid misunderstandings as the result
·Overly naïve characters
·One-dimensional characters
·Doing things out of character for no particular reason
·Unnecessary cruelty
·Overly combative characters, as well as characters who are doormats
·Anything that happened in WAGS World
·Bella Swan

Also, Olga will have Blake Lively's hair. Why? Because I said so.

Another White Belt

Damn, he loves those. And Jill, this is from that fantastic video that you unearthed. I love to picture you watching the video.

Additionally, I have just discovered that Fernando has signed a deal so that two books will be written about him by others. Little does he know that in a month, two books will have been written about him already...

Can You Hear the Music, Fernando?

Can anyone fill me in on what's going on with the inappropriately placed tape?
Ten days away people. Ten. The excitement is suffocating me. I need air. Luckily, it's that time again when I create my NaNoWriMo playlist. Here's an idea of what I'm including:

I decided long ago that Adele was going to be the voice of Olga. If you haven't heard this woman, you are missing out. She has the most beautiful voice. Her debut album, 19, has exactly the tone that I want For Liberty, Fernando to have. She wrote it when she was still pretty young and in love for the first time, so it's about finding, having, and losing love. I'm kind of in love with her. Two songs that really stood out to me as representing how Olga feels about Fernando are Daydreamer and Make You Feel My Love.

As always, I have a lot of Coldplay songs. Green Eyes, as I have said about a billion times, describes the way that Fernando feels about Olga. And he's the reason that she has green eyes. Even though Coldplay doesn't really have songs that describe things happening in my novels, they go with the tone of my book, and Olga likes them. When in Ireland, she expressed her desire to go "running while listening to Coldplay and feeling like crying the entire time." I'm really big on songs from Viva la Vida and A Rush of Blood to the Head.

Then, to give the the Liverpool atmosphere, I have put in Fernando's Kop song ( I have named it Liverpool's Number Nine), You'll Never Walk Alone, The Fields of Anfield Road, and of course, Fernando by ABBA.

To get myself in a melancholy mood (my book will not be happy for the most part) I have a lot of Death Cab for Cutie, Dashboard Confessional, Jack Johnson, John Mayer, Snow Patrol, Youth Group, and Sam Roberts.

As many of you know, Fernando's favourite song is Let it Rock by Kevin Rudolf feat. Lil Wayne. He will probably sing it every morning in the shower.

Another Reason I Hate Manchester United

Apparently, one hundred thousand pounds per week can't buy decent clothing. Nice jacket, Carrick. Or should I say, Robocop.

No, this won't be a numbered list outlining why I hate this team. No one would really be interested in that. This is actually just another rant about Manchester United's tendency to throw huge parties but not invite the WAGs. This doesn't imply that no women are there; they invite tons of hot women (models, shop girls, etc.), but specify that the wives and girlfriends should not attend.

They most famously did it in December 2007, where horrors such as an Elvis impression by Ryan Giggs were par for the course. But no, that isn't the worst thing that happened all night: Johnny Evans (red circle) was arrested for allegedly sexually assaulting a 26 year old woman. My favourite descriptions of the evening:
"Irish joker O'Shea propped up the free bar ordering beer and champagne - and lifting up the skirts of passing girls." (Yeah, what a joker, sounds like good-natured fun to me. Oh yeah, and isn't this a little eerie that this is exactly what Tim O'Shea is like in my novel?)
"It was horrible. This guy had been pestering me and my friends for ages trying to get us up to a bedroom. I kept telling him no but he just wouldn't take it. He was really drunk as were the rest of them. Then he just grabbed me and started to drag me away from the main area towards the toilets. Thankfully the security man spotted what was going on and came to my help. I was so relieved to see him. I was in tears. The players were treating girls like pieces of meat. It was like a horrendous cattle market." (Note: this isn't the girl that was allegedly raped. It was another.)
"Some of his (Wayne Rooney's) colleagues were gyrating sexily with partners on the dimly-lit main dancefloor while others headed to the balcony upstairs for a sneaky snog." (The Mirror)

Does this all sound tame? Yeah, that's because Ronniekins wasn't there. If he had been, I'm sure that I would be quoting a five-prostitute orgy scandal.

They did it again on Saturday night after securing their third Premiership title in a row (fuck that). While no sexual assaults have been reported, the following details have emerged:
"It was an open bar upstairs in the VIP, so everyone was sloshed. No WAGs were in attendance. Cristiano was hanging out downstairs with the Portuguese massive having a great time beckoning wagabees (note: WAG Wannabees) over. There was some sort of pushy-shovey skirmish between G-Nevs and a “fat man” - people had to hold him back. Wayne Rooney disappeared into the casino on his own do do a little high rolling. And, Ryan Giggs let loose on the dance floor when the Happy Monday’s Step On came on." (Kickette)

In what world is this acceptable? How would you feel if your partner said "Hey honey, I'm going to a work party, you're not allowed to go but there will be models there throwing themselves at us. Don't mind any rumours about sexual assault and the like."
It is so unfair what these wives have to put up with. Just because their husbands provide for them financially does not give them license to act however they want. This is so horrifying.

I mention this because, as I have said, a similar thing is going to happen in my novel. Thank you United, for being a bunch of sleazy jackasses: you are my inspiration.

No More WAGS World

It's been a while since I've updated. Not much to say on the book front since I've been trying to suppress my ravenous, iridescent desire to start my novel early and write 75,000 words in a month and a half.
A few notes before I begin:
-Boston's out of the playoffs. Fuck yeah.
-Manchester United has just clinched their third straight Premiership win. Fuck.
-Sam got into medical school!!!! Woooooooooo!!
-I listened to a children's choir singing 'Funkytown' yesterday. My life will never be the same.

I have decided to stop doing WAGs research through books. Why? Because the genre sucks. In fact, I have reason to believe that I am the leading author of the genre, and that my book 'Can You Hear the Drums Fernando' was the best WAGs book ever. So, why would I waste time caring about what my inferiors are doing? I guess I'm kind of like Ovechkin in that respect.

What's Better Than One Fernando?

I have been thinking a lot about it, and I have decided that Olga will work at the Melwood training ground, where the Liverpool first team and reserves hold their practices. She will be working with the sports medicine doctors on the injured players. It is there that she will meet fellow WAG Sam, probably the girlfriend of Tim O'Shea.
She will work reception and they will be close friends.

I have been reading up on Fern Dawg and scouring the internet for pictures (for research...) and I have found some great stuff that I can use in the book:

1) In his first Liverpool game against Chelsea, John Terry was trying to intimidate him with insults or whatever, but he wasn't bothered because he had no idea what JT was saying!

2) He is really close with his neighbour and Liverpool GK Pepe Reina, and they like to play boardgames.

FT: But when things get bad, we get the board games out.
PR: Yes, boys against girls. We cheat a lot more than they do, and I think its more obvious that we do. (laughter)
FT: Yes (more laughter). At the moment it is 1-1. Things are quite close, and if needed, there has to be some cheating. We have had some great battles!

How hilarious is that, "when things get bad, we get the boardgames out."

3)He is actually exactly how I pictured him as! To quote Pepe Reina:
"I never really got to know you properly until you joined Liverpool. You were quite shy and you never really raised your voice. But after spending more time with you I soon saw that you are actually quite different from what I first perceived. You give everything to those close to you, and you are not at all shy."

PR: I have to say that you are a great bloke and a good friend, someone who is really open. You might come across at first as a bit stand-offish, but that could not be further away from the truth. You are friendly and a bit of a joker.
FT: Well, you are a real cheat, and the worst part, is that it is really easy to spot (laughter). Unlike me, you show your emotions. You are the first player to get behind the players, and you are full of positive energy and you know how to transmit it.

5) Apparently one of his favourite shows is 'Supernanny'...

Inspiration!

There's a reason that I am obsessing over football right now: it provides me with great ideas for my novel! I have already decided to borrow real-life stories from Federico Macheda (this is how Fernando will burst onto the football scene) and Manchester United (they had a wildly inappropriate no-WAGs Christmas party where there was an alleged rape attempt and other debauchery), but inspiration has struck once again! Yesterday in the Champions League semi-final of Chelsea vs. Barcelona, the referee was apparently blind and failed to make several key calls which would have probably changed the result of the match (Barcelona scored in the third minute of injury time and is going on to the final vs. Manchester United). All of the Chelsea players looked like they were going to beat up the referee. Michael Ballack almost did. I think that this is going to happen to Fernando, but he will just sit on the field while everyone goes and tries to beat up the ref. On a side note, I wish this ref luck in getting work at Liam and Nathan's games.
Twenty four days!

WAGS World: An Insult to My Intelligence

I recently blogged about my desire to read the novel WAGS World: Playing the Game. What a fucking mistake. It was a quick read (234 pages), likely because it lacked character development, a coherent plot, a point, or anything else that could have made it a good story. Yes, I should have known. We all remember the cover. But still, I had high hopes for it; I at least thought that it would be entertaining. But sadly, dear readers, entertaining it was not. At about 30 pages in I knew that I did not really want to continue reading, but I pressed on just so I could see the main character smarten up. She was a real idiot. And, in the end, she realized the importance of being true to yourself. Come on! You know it's bad when you wish that Bella would show up and smack the main character for being stupid. This book had FOUR OUT OF SEVEN things in books that I dislike, as outlined in my Magna Carta. Four. Out of seven.
I was worried about reading the book because I thought that it would be too much like For Liberty, Fernando. Well, I worry no more. My book will never, ever, be anything like it. Olga makes good decisions. If there is an obvious misunderstanding that could easily be cleared up by communication, Olga will communicate instead of running off like an asshole. Olga will be understanding of Fernando's commitment to the team. And I will not take every opportunity to make a dig at WAGs. Seriously, the "characters" in the novel were so thinly veiled as real WAGs, it was disgusting.
On a brighter note, I have been a busy reading bee and also completed Nick Hornby's Fever Pitch, his memoirs about living and breathing Arsenal. Very enjoyable, candid, sometimes relatable, and better research for my novel.


In conclusion, I will not be picking up WAGS World: Knowing the Score, the sequel to what I can only describe to be the worst book I have ever read, despite the fact that the main character seems to have exchanged her classy yellow velour track suit for an even classier, fuschia velour booty short track suit. It is obvious why the author chose to remain anonymous.

One Month!

Can you believe it, NaNoWriMo is almost upon us! And in honour of that, I thought that I would post my Magna Cartas from last year, so we can all reflect on whether I stuck to my principles. I vote that I did not.

Things I Love in a Novel
·Requited love
·Humour
·Characters that aren’t beautiful, yet above average
·Jocks
·Beautiful tragedies
·Self-improvement
·Coming of age


Things I Hate in a Novel
·Characters that are overly beautiful and everybody falls in love with them
·Characters making stupid decisions
·Getting caught
·Damsels in distress constantly getting saved
·Girls that are overly bitchy for no reason
·Doing poorly in school, giving up
·Breaking up for no reason

Oh, and in response to those that have asked me to stop posting photos of hot soccer players, I say, "NEVER!" It has always been my opinion that a picture is better than no picture, and a picture of a hot soccer player is better than anything in the world. And in response to those that say that my blog is not actually a NaNoWriMo blog, but a blog that isn't so cleverly disguised as a blog about soccer player's erections, I say, "so?"