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Ugh. I hate my book now.
I have to clean my apartment more since I will be leaving in about an hour and a half, but I hope to write at the airport/on the plane.
The coach decided to hold a practice very early in the morning to punish the team for having partied the night before. Olga is sad to discover that her and Fernando were featured on Kickette today. Read on:


"When I got home I checked my e-mail, and found one with the subject “URGENT! READ NOW!” from Sam. This didn’t bode well.
It turns out that Sam reads the by-women-for-women football blog titled Kickette, to keep up on industry gossip, as well as juicy WAG gossip. Amid more complaints about Coleen Rooney’s bag size and how long her pants are, and a Thursday Thigh-Off between Sergio Ramos and Antonio Mourinho, this piece grabbed my attention:

Who Is Fernando Torres, and Where Has He Been All My Life?

For those of you watching the Liverpool-Juventus Champions League match-up last night, you might know Fernando Torres, the speedy Spaniard, as the hottie that scored the series-winning goal in injury time to put Liverpool through to the semis against Chelsea. For those of you who were not watching, you probably have no idea who he is. No one does. But soon, you will.
From our research we can tell that he’s twenty-one, a Valencia native, and currently on the Liverpool reserve squad. Yesterday he was controversially subbed in for Robin van Egeraat after a dirty tackle by Juventus bad-boy Bruce Barton, which injured the Dutch striker. It was his first game on the big stage, and he scored on his first touch.
Oh, and he has an ass like two scoops of butter pecan ice cream. Someone, please get me a bowl and spoon immediately! But Fernando, we were not pleased with the lack-of-shirt-removal situ. We expect to see abs next time, Nando.
Before you all get too excited (we have been going nuts all morning here at Kickette trying to think of ways to steal his jock strap) it appears as though he is spoken for. He proposed to girlfriend Olgalina Vennegoor of Hesselink (Really? What kind of a name is that?) last week at a game at Anfield that he wasn’t playing in during half time.
What do we think, Kickettes? We have attached all of the photos we can find, and the boys over at Dirty Tackle have a video of his fantastic goal. Will you be joining us to find the perfect black dress in which to crash their wedding?

What the fuck? OLGALINA?? I have a terrible name. I couldn’t think that it could be worse. But this? How, Kickette? And more importantly, why?!
Oh, but it got worse. There were photos attached, some with me in them. In the photo of Fernando proposing, I looked gormless and stupid. And a little cross-eyed. But even worse, there were photos from last night. You could see my underwear. It was red. My eyes were closed. Luckily for Fernando, he looked pretty good in all of them. Olgalina, however, would never live this down.
Then, things got really ugly in the comments section. Oh god, the comments section. Apparently “Mrs.Antonio.Mourinho” suggested that “Olgalina isn’t even that pretty. Why is he not with a hotter wag, like, say, ANYONE?” Bitch. “LoveLamps” commented that she “live[s] in Liverpool and sees Fernando out all the time with other gurlz having sex on the dance floor! When she was away he talked 2 my frend on a webcam evry night and they had digital get downz!! He sayz he is goin 2 leave her and that she’s an ugly bitch!!! What a dum wag!!!11”
I wanted to throw up. Of course I didn’t believe “LoveLamps,” but how could everyone say those things about me? I didn’t do anything! Fernando doesn’t even own a webcam! What was their problem??"

I actually feel really depressed on behalf of Olga. I hate Mrs.Antonio.Mourinho, and particularly LoveLamps.