Martha Is Really Out Of Touch

I am writing at the airport, and apparently there is free wi-fi. I have written 43,030 words. So close.

Sadie’s head is spinning, but it certainly isn’t because everything is changing around her. No, everything feels eerily similar to the way that it always was. It’s strange, and it’s starting to feel as if the last seven months never happened. In case you have forgotten, Sadie was surely traumatized by her break-up with Brett. It took her months to get out of bed and move around the world as if she wasn’t a member of the case of Michael Jackson’s inimitable music video Thriller. It was even more pathetic, since she could do none of those sweet dance moves.

They don’t talk about it; Brett seems intent on pretending that they had never broken up. He doesn’t talk about anything that occurred while they were apart. Fucking WASPs, Sadie finds herself mumbling to herself more and more often.

Part of Sadie is deliriously happy that they are back together. She adores the nights that they spend together in his apartment, and how everything feels like it always did. She is happy to be back at his soccer games, cheering him on for everyone to notice. Her bed feels less empty with him in it, and she welcomes the sound of his snoring and talking during his sleep. She missed him, and having him back once again feels like an incredible stroke of luck.

But another part of her is extremely resentful and completely unwilling to forgive and forget. When someone hurts you the way that Brett did, things will guaranteed never be the same. Anyone would argue that things not being the same is the best thing for Sadie and Brett (Bredie? Sadette? Let me know which is better with a comment!). But is this really the change that they needed? Bitterness and unresolved anger could hardly be said to improve a relationship. Sadie feels cut off from everyone else, since all of her friends have made it clear how little they support her decision, and are wondering how she could be so blind. They don’t understand, she always tells herself. They have never felt the way that I feel, she says.

But even worse, Sadie has no guarantees that he will not break her heart again. In fact, she is almost sure of it. Brett is a person who embraces something quickly and without question before casting it off to the side once the shine has worn off. He really loved his tie-dye tees and tanks that really entertained him to make on a summer’s day; what’s not to love if not a craft that is wet, wild, and yes, a little messy, as well as beautiful to any human with eyes? Even adults (such as Brett) will appreciate that moment of anticipation just before the unraveling of rubber bands reveals their own vibrant creations. It's no wonder tie-dyeing never goes out of fashion (?). It's easy to forget how simple the technique is. It requires minimal equipment and supplies that are available at any supermarket or hardware store. Simply set out bowls of rubber bands, clothespins, and marbles and experiment with a variety of expressive patterns. Brett, along with the children at the summer camp who were supposed to be doing the craft before Brett took over, were all thrilled with the results! But like anything else, summer ended, winter started, and it got colder when Brett and his tie-dye parted ways. He forgot about how simple the technique was, and that moment of pure giddy joy before unraveling the rubber bands to reveal the vibrant creation. And, people made fun of him for wearing tie-dye. So much for never going out of fashion, eh Martha?

Brett, along with everyone else that is like him, cares too much about what others think. He is preoccupied with it, but in a way that attempts to hide it because he would never want to come across as such; he is way too nonchalant for that. When people asked him if he had just come from the ‘Nam demonstration and if he could score them some weed, he stopped wearing the tie-dye. When his friends hinted (or straight-up said it) that they thought that Sadie was a feminist Nazi who would cut his penis off in his sleep, he became a lot less enamored with her. She isn’t very good for his status or his reputation; Sadie knows this for sure.

But she’s hoping that this time, none of this will matter. Maybe Brett will realize that whatever his gormless friends have to say just doesn’t matter. Maybe he will realize how special she is and want to be with her forever. Maybe she will trust him and not always think that he is going to leave her and need constant validation that he loves her. Maybe. But probably not.

She is fine with him leaving the tie-dye to the Dead Heads, though.

A lot is unspoken between Sadie and Brett since they got back together, without even speaking about it. Sadie feels as if they are walking on a tightrope, and any light breeze or lapse in concentration and they could come crashing to the ground.

But if you were to ask her, of course she would say that she is happy; as happy as a clam at high tide, whatever the fuck that means.