What Goes Around Comes Around (If You're a Martha Craft)

So yesterday, when I set out to include Martha's craft of the day, I had a funny feeling of deja vu. Perhaps this is because the terry cloth inflatable pillow covers that are easy to tuck into a tote were a craft of the day last year. This is what I wrote last year:

"Neither Fernando nor I had slept very well last night. Part of it was the thoughts that just wouldn’t disappear no matter how many times I willed them to, and part of it was Fernando’s tossing and turning. It was like some kind of masochistic chain reaction, where our worries were constantly building up on each other’s. I noted that our inflatable terry cloth pillows that make lounging at the beach even more relaxing, and are simultaneously easy to tuck into a tote, are also good at soaking up tears."

Pathetic.

Anyway, I didn't write on Tuesday because it was the semi-final of World Cup featuring the Netherlands, and I was way too nervous. I did write yesterday on the train, so here it is. It's weird, I'm sorry. Don't worry everyone (Jill); I will comment on your blogs soon. I haven't had the time yet. Also, for your information, I am at 12,000 words. And if David Villa isn't holding a pink jock strap, than I don't know anything.

Oh yeah, and it is important to know that Sadie visited the Hall's summer home, and saw firsthand that the Halls are a bunch of WASPs who never discuss their problems, and that Brett's father is very distant and doesn't seem to care that much about his son.


Paul and Sadie are seated in a booth in Woody’s Grill and Tap, waiting for their large pepperoni pizza to arrive. Sadie is starting to feel nervous; this is definitely a date-ish situation, and as any loyal reader will know, Sadie is far from ready to date. If she were to meet the perfect guy right now it would be completely lost on her.

Some people are so bland that when people are trying to come up with adjectives to describe them, the only thing that they can really say is that they are “nice.” Sadie is not this way, and she prefers it. A lot of people may not like Sadie, but there are just as many people that are passionate about how awesome she is. She has a high standard for the people that she spends time with; she would rather be with someone who is interesting but snarky rather than someone who is nice but dull. Lucky for her, Paul meets her expectations. If he were an ice cream flavour, he would be anything but vanilla. Probably something with chunks.

When Sadie first met Paul, she knew that he was interesting; however, she didn’t know exactly how interesting he would be. He moved around a lot as a child, and has lived in Madrid, London, and San Francisco. Every summer he writes a 50,000 word novel in one month, which indicates to Sadie that he is obviously very creative, intelligent, and sexy. He met Bono once. He said that he was kind of an asshole.

Even though they get along great, and Paul is interesting to talk to and listens to her at the same time, she knows that she can’t do this. It would be fair to her, and it wouldn’t be fair to Paul. She can’t be anything for anyone right now; getting through each day is enough of a challenge these days.

“Do you want to get together again sometime?” Paul asks nervously.

“I’m not sure,” Sadie says sadly. It makes her feel miserable to say this. “I sort of just got out of a relationship, and I don’t know if I can really date right now.”

“How long ago did you guys break up?”

“About four months ago.”

“And how long were you together?”

“A little over a year.”

“Well, they say that you can grieve a relationship for half of the time that you were together. Maybe I will see you in two months,” Paul tries to smile to hide his disappointment.

“It isn’t really that simple. I don’t think that I will be ready anytime soon.”

“Are you still mad at him?”

“Still?” Sadie asks. “I never was.”

“Well maybe you should be.”

“You can’t be angry with someone for not loving you the way that you need them to.”

“Yeah, but you can be mad at them for wasting your time. You can be mad at them for not being honest. You can be mad at them for making you feel this way.”

And to that, Sadie had nothing to say.

Sadie had been spending so much time making excuses for Brett, and hastily forgiving him for tearing out her heart. It’s okay that he didn’t love me, she had always said; he didn’t have to. Loving somebody doesn’t mean that they have to love you. He didn’t owe me anything. He made me happy.

No, she finally said to herself. Sadie was done making excuses for him. He hadn’t treated her right in the end, in the beginning, or ever. What was she waiting for? Waiting for him to realize how perfect they were together, and beg her to take him back? He’s gone. He isn’t coming back. He left her, and he is probably doing fine right now. He doesn’t have to feel this way. But why? Why is she wasting her time like this? Turning away guys that she really likes because she feels like dying is probably exactly what Brett thought that she would do. He was right; she is pathetic.

She thanks Paul for the lovely time at dinner, and heads to the T station. She’s angry, and she definitely doesn’t want Paul to see this. It won’t be pretty.

That night, she is going to a club. She meets her friends and has several shots of something strong, it doesn’t matter what. She is hardly in the club for five minutes before she finds someone who upon first glance looks like Brett, but when she looks a little closer, there really is no resemblance. He’s good enough.

She used to do this all of the time, and it comes back to her with ease. She approaches him, looks him straight in the eye, and soon they are dancing. Soon they are leaving.

Sadie would have never claimed that she had a lot of pride in herself; after Brett left, she stopped feeling like herself at all. She wanted to stop him from taking things from her any way that she could.

She has sex with this person whose name she probably never knew, let alone could ever remember. It isn’t the same, it isn’t what she wants, but she has succeeded in robbing Brett of being the last person to have ever done that. She wants him out of her system, out of her mind, and out of her heart.

When she leaves his apartment at 3 am, and the whole city seems to know what she has just done, she can’t decide if she feels better or worse. Even though Brett would never really know what had happened, she felt like she had hurt him in some way. She felt like she had taken something from him; she wanted to stop him from taking things from her, but she couldn’t. The chains around her had broken, but she still didn’t feel free. She just felt even lonelier.

Even though her and Brett were no longer together, she was continuing to do stupid things for love. Without even knowing it, or even trying, Brett had gotten the best of her. Again.