More Heavy-Handed Metaphors

I was agonizing over what to do with Sadie's present since it mostly involved a man with Viking Horns (don't ask) and a Guido named Vibe Time. Things were bleak, to say the least. But then I called Jill (one of the only Esmonde family members that actually answers the phone) and she helped me with this. What do you guys think?

I'm at 9,743, it's 2:30 in the morning, and I need to sleep. If sleep is at all possible in this goddamned heat. Fuck.

Paul blew into Sadie’s life like a clever North wind; unexpected, but immediately making its presence known. No, the effect isn’t earth-shaking, nor would Sadie have ever described him as heaven-sent. In fact, the first words that Sadie might have used to explain exactly who Paul is would be “not Brett.” Sadly, that is how she would have described everyone.

Whenever sizing up any potential mate, Sadie compares them to Brett. And as far as comparisons go, Sadie could not have found anyone who was further from him. Brett is tall. Paul is just average. Brett has brown eyes. Paul’s are a somber gray. Brett relies on his attractiveness to feel accepted. If Paul followed a similar pattern, well, let’s just say that he would be about as well-received as a fart in a jar, but more well-received than a fart that it out of a jar.

For those of us who aren’t varsity jocks with abs that you could grate cheese on to make a nice lasagna, winning people over with our personalities is the only way to win people over at all. Appearance-wise, Paul is mostly unremarkable: he doesn’t dress especially well (though not especially bad that you would notice, laugh, and point), his hair is the same style that any barber at any corner barber shop would cut, and his average build means that no one stares at his biceps-with-the-sleeves-rolled-up while sitting behind him in English class. But if most people would have to compare, they would take an unremarkable-looking individual over Brett’s completely unremarkable personality.

Sadie had to work to win Brett over. But this time, it is the other way around. This is the only way that it could have ever worked.

Paul approaches Sadie as she reads quietly while eating her lunch at Au Bon Pain. He isn’t sure exactly what made him do it; men usually have more confidence than women think that they should, which is probably what drove him to talk to Sadie in the first place. Maybe it was the fact that she was reading The Cider House Rules and seemed legitimately engaged, playing into his love of sexy and intelligent women. Maybe it’s because he can sense her insecurity and vulnerability and it makes him feel comfortable because it sort of matches his own. Or maybe it’s just because there aren’t any tables available during the lunch rush and his tray is heavy and she looks like the friendliest person in the room. Whatever.

To paraphrase, their conversation goes something like this:

“Hi, can I sit here?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I see that you’re reading The Cider House Rules. I love the book, hate the movie.”

“Yeah, don’t you hate movie adaptations of books?” You could also sub in either “Yeah, I really like the Beatles too” or “I also love pizza!”

“I’m an English major at Boston College! Go Eagles!”

“I am a political science major at Wellesley!”

“Hillary or Barack?”

“Hillary!”

“I like Barack!” Could also have been substituted with, “I’m in College!”

“I’m Canadian.”

“You must be from Toronto.”

“There are more cities in Canada than Toronto.”

“Are they important?”

“Not really.”

“I love these flowery oilcloth coasters. They're really blossoming under my favourite chilled drink!”

“These colourful, floral designs sure make a cheerful background for summer cocktails!” This could have been replaced with, "I'm a person with eyes! I enjoy these!"

“It’s dinner time! Let’s take the appropriate action!”

“Ok.”

But then, imagine that this conversation went on for about three hours.

What Sadie notices first about Paul is that he is easy to talk to. She also notices that he managed to not say anything completely moronic during their entire conversation. He didn’t refer to Wellesley as “a bunch of hairy lesbians making out with each other in class.” He didn’t call Canada “America’s hat.” He isn’t a Republican, and as we all know, everything that comes out of a Republican’s mouth is ridiculously stupid. This impresses Sadie, since men like this seem disappointingly rare.

Upon further reflection, Sadie then that she isn’t intimidated at all by Paul. This isn’t really something you notice until you are in a relationship where you constantly worry that one day your partner will realize how good they look in a child’s Speedo (for example…) and run away with some girl who is so interesting and pretty that even you would consider making out with her. It’s so simple, but something that Sadie hasn’t known in a long time: what it means to feel equal. Paul is non-threatening and nice and patient and interesting, all qualities that Brett notably lacked. He isn’t Brett, and that bothers Sadie. The butterflies are not flying away, nor is she nodding her head like yeah. Don’t even get me started on her hips. She doesn’t know how she ended up at this party in the USA, but she figures, she’ll stay for the free meal.

If Paul were an element he would be water, because eighty percent of your body is composed of Paul. Wait, that can’t be right. Nor did Jesus ever turn him into wine, but this thought is pleasing to Sadie; she loves a good red. No, Paul is water because he can wash away all of Sadie’s pain and make her as good as new. He is the water that will try to wash away Brett's earth.