With A Little Help From My Friends

I only wrote 1,000 words yesterday because I went and played beer pong instead. So, I am going to try to write 3,000 words today. I have not written anything good, and it is getting depressing.

I really liked Indigo's idea of writing multiple letters and ending up with one, so I tried that. Brett's friends came into Mike's Pastry on the day where she looked like Freddy Krueger, and it was somewhat implied that something is going on with Brett that they wouldn't share. Sadie decided to e-mail Brett and ask him about it. I know that it's kind of mean, but the first e-mail was inspired (and some was cut-and-pasted) from a friend's Facebook.


To: bootylicious_brett@gmail.com
From: sexy_sadie13@hotmail.com

Hi Brett,
How are things? How did your internship go? I hope that school and soccer are going well :) My life is none other than hectic, but I've gotta pay for school somehow and Mike’s Pastry jobs is the way! :P :S :O But my class schedule may kill me in the process... :P I've been trying to have fun too! :P Have you had any fun this summer? I’m seeing someone. His name is Paul. We were at a restaurant the other day, and there were some mix-and-match napkins that really added some variety to the summer party table. These left over paper napkins were spruced up with white doily bands. The hodgepodge looked both festive and coordinated.

I ran into your friends the other day at work and they gave me the impression that something is going on with you. We may have broken up, but I still care about you and I want you to be happy. Is everything okay?

Maybe we can meet up and talk? I know that we’re not dating anymore, but I hope that we can still be friends. Let me know :) :P :O :S :*G

Sadie

After Sadie wrote this e-mail, she was immediately disgusted with herself. She had decided to use the emoticons so that her e-mail could come across as carefree and nonchalant, but the final result was that she sounded like a moron. She wasn’t even sure that some of the things that she was typing were actual faces. Even more, she wasn’t sure that she even wanted to be friends with Brett. They had never been friends, not for a second, so why should they start now? She could never feel anything even remotely platonic towards him, this she knew. She quickly deleted the e-mail, made a decision that she would never use emoticons again, and began drafting another.

To: bootylicious_brett@gmail.com
From: sexy_sadie@hotmail.com
It’s the Brett-meister!
Sorry.

I just thought that I would drop you a quick line to let you know that I am seeing someone. I ran into your friends today and I told them about it, and I would hate for you to find out from them instead of me. But then again, you don’t really seem to feel anything, so you would probably be largely unaffected. Just like you always are.

His name is Paul, he goes to Boston College, and he is an English major. I know that you think that English majors are morons, but not everyone can major in stealing other people’s money like you do. He’s a really great guy, I’m sure that you would like him. Everyone does. What he lacks in attractiveness he makes up for by not being a total douchebag. Kidding!

Are you dating anybody? Your stupid friends came by the bakery today and they suggested via gormless stares that something is going on with you. Are you doing alright?

I am doing so fucking well it would make a fetus’ head spin off.

Sadie

Even Sadie knew that at best, this e-mail would make her seem insane and pathetic. But there was no best-case scenario when it came to sending that e-mail. She deleted it, and decided that perhaps e-mailing Brett wasn’t such a good idea. In a way, she didn’t really care what was going on with him. He was out of her life.
In the meantime, she decided to send an e-mail that she had been meaning to send for some time.

To: drunk_and_sans_pants@jackiesplace.com
From: sexy_sadie@hotmail.com

Hi Kiefer,

I gathered that you want me to write to you. You and I are not friends and I don’t have any responsibility towards you. But I can write to you occasionally, I guess.

I would have sent you this letter on the beautiful rose stationary that I recently made, where I used the base of a leafy vegetable to create beautiful rose-like prints. Leafy vegetables make great-tasting salads -- and sumptuous floral-shaped stamps, too. But unfortunately, the drunk tank doesn’t have an address.

While I enjoy seeing you at Jackie’s Place, I really think that you need to change your behaviour. Some people may think that it’s really funny when you get drunk and take off your pants, but it’s really starting to make me uncomfortable. And that time that you started urinating on everyone else’s socks and trying to lift their legs to their noses was off-putting, to say the least. But even that strange and somewhat frightening incident couldn’t distract the crowd from the sheer goodness of the music. I know that I say this all of the time, but Jackie’s Place sure has the best music.

However, I should thank you for inspiring me to make the rose stationary when you wore a carnation in your pants while shirtless. The overall effect was more than pleasing. Soon enough, all of those shitsters that are taking over Jackie’s Place like a rat king (when a bunch of rats are crammed into a tiny space and their tails get all tangled up, and they can't even pull apart. Eventually, their bodies fuse together and they form a multi-headed live rat king) will start wearing carnations in their waistbands!

Please do let me know when you find another muse. I’m sure it won’t be long… forgive me if it sounds rude, but it seems to me that your search for a muse is much more about YOU than it is about ME. When you find another muse, I’ll be happy to just fade into the background again.

See you at Jackie’s Place,
Sadie