ORANJE CRUSH

So basically, today was the awesomest day ever. Holland beat Brazil in the quarter final of world cup, and are advancing to the semi-final against a big bunch of cheaters (Uruguay). Assholes.

Anyway, I barely had any time to write today. I don't know how I'm caught up, at 4,101 words. Here is an excerpt. It is something of an ode to Jackie.


Sadie and Brett have been meeting like this for several weeks; it has become a routine that Sadie knows that she enjoys far, far too much. She depends on his presence in her life more than she would outwardly admit, but come on, even she knows it herself. They don’t call it ‘falling in love’ for nothing; once you start falling, you can’t stop half way. It’s all or nothing.

She knows that she shouldn’t feel this much for him so soon, but then again, telling Sadie not to feel as much as she does would be like trying to tell Bon Jovi not to rock. It just can’t be done—and particularly in the case of Bon Jovi, why would you even want it to be?

She has to do this, she knows, but it will be about as pleasant as getting drunk when Jon Bon Jovi is not the wine. Here it goes, she thinks to herself, just do it. Breathe.

“What are we?” she asks Brett seemingly out of the blue. But since we have access to Sadie’s every thought, we know that she has been working up to this question for about fifteen minutes.

Brett is silent for several seconds, which seemed like much longer for poor Sadie. Hopefully it’s because he’s seriously considering the question. Hopefully it is not because he is freaking the fuck out, and trying to find the best way to get out of this. Finally, he says something after what felt like an eternity.

“I don’t know. Do we have to be something?” he asks her in response. Not what Sadie wanted to hear, of course, but it wasn’t the worst thing that he could have said either.

“I guess not,” she falters. “But, you know, do you want to see other people?”

He considers this question for a long time. How dare he?

“Probably not.”

“So,” Sadie begins awkwardly, “Should we be exclusive?”

Sadie is trying to phrase her questions in a neutral way, in a way that doesn’t give everything away. In her mind, she is coming across as nonchalant, curious, maybe, but definitely not needy or exactly like a girl. The last thing that Sadie wants to be like right now is a girl.

Sadie is a lot of things, but nonchalant is not one of them. Nor is she a particularly good actress when it comes to hiding parts of herself that others may not want to see. She isn’t fooling anyone; Brett knows that she cares, no matter how much she tries to convince him otherwise. Like anything else, it isn’t necessarily what she says. And let’s be honest, she isn’t exactly the master of deception with her words, either. No, it’s all in the eyes; her eyes convey more of her emotion to him than anything else ever could. It’s the way that she looks into his eyes, seemingly into his soul, as if desperately searching for something.

“I guess,” Brett finally says.

Brett is a lot of things, but his true talent is his ability to not commit to anything. Sure, he will try not to cheat on Sadie for however long this lasts, and he doesn’t really see it lasting for very long. But if it makes her happy right now, he will do it. ‘Being upset’ is mostly something that Brett doesn’t understand, and it’s just easier for him to do what everyone else wants than to face the consequences of others’ unhappiness. Not committing to anything means that you never really know what you want for yourself, and when it comes to this, Brett is one of the best. It’s just easier to go along with everyone else’s expectations for you than to do anything for yourself. His mother wanted him to go to Harvard, his father wanted him to go into finance to follow in his footsteps, and his older brother led by example as a soccer player. Brett had a long history of never really wanting anything. Wanting is complicated, and he likes to keep it simple. Right now, being with Sadie is simple, since he doesn’t have to go out looking for anyone and isn’t it kind of nice to have someone to care about you?

Sadie wishes that she could feel happy; she got what she wanted, didn’t she? But of course, she doesn’t. Brett’s response would have been more appropriate for answering questions like “Can you clean out your moldy vegetables from the fridge?” Definitely not the way one should answer a relationship question. Despite how much she will internally deny it, she knows that this isn’t really what he wanted. But to be fair, Brett doesn’t know what he wants either.