Can You Hear the Music, Fernando?

Can anyone fill me in on what's going on with the inappropriately placed tape?
Ten days away people. Ten. The excitement is suffocating me. I need air. Luckily, it's that time again when I create my NaNoWriMo playlist. Here's an idea of what I'm including:

I decided long ago that Adele was going to be the voice of Olga. If you haven't heard this woman, you are missing out. She has the most beautiful voice. Her debut album, 19, has exactly the tone that I want For Liberty, Fernando to have. She wrote it when she was still pretty young and in love for the first time, so it's about finding, having, and losing love. I'm kind of in love with her. Two songs that really stood out to me as representing how Olga feels about Fernando are Daydreamer and Make You Feel My Love.

As always, I have a lot of Coldplay songs. Green Eyes, as I have said about a billion times, describes the way that Fernando feels about Olga. And he's the reason that she has green eyes. Even though Coldplay doesn't really have songs that describe things happening in my novels, they go with the tone of my book, and Olga likes them. When in Ireland, she expressed her desire to go "running while listening to Coldplay and feeling like crying the entire time." I'm really big on songs from Viva la Vida and A Rush of Blood to the Head.

Then, to give the the Liverpool atmosphere, I have put in Fernando's Kop song ( I have named it Liverpool's Number Nine), You'll Never Walk Alone, The Fields of Anfield Road, and of course, Fernando by ABBA.

To get myself in a melancholy mood (my book will not be happy for the most part) I have a lot of Death Cab for Cutie, Dashboard Confessional, Jack Johnson, John Mayer, Snow Patrol, Youth Group, and Sam Roberts.

As many of you know, Fernando's favourite song is Let it Rock by Kevin Rudolf feat. Lil Wayne. He will probably sing it every morning in the shower.

Another Reason I Hate Manchester United

Apparently, one hundred thousand pounds per week can't buy decent clothing. Nice jacket, Carrick. Or should I say, Robocop.

No, this won't be a numbered list outlining why I hate this team. No one would really be interested in that. This is actually just another rant about Manchester United's tendency to throw huge parties but not invite the WAGs. This doesn't imply that no women are there; they invite tons of hot women (models, shop girls, etc.), but specify that the wives and girlfriends should not attend.

They most famously did it in December 2007, where horrors such as an Elvis impression by Ryan Giggs were par for the course. But no, that isn't the worst thing that happened all night: Johnny Evans (red circle) was arrested for allegedly sexually assaulting a 26 year old woman. My favourite descriptions of the evening:
"Irish joker O'Shea propped up the free bar ordering beer and champagne - and lifting up the skirts of passing girls." (Yeah, what a joker, sounds like good-natured fun to me. Oh yeah, and isn't this a little eerie that this is exactly what Tim O'Shea is like in my novel?)
"It was horrible. This guy had been pestering me and my friends for ages trying to get us up to a bedroom. I kept telling him no but he just wouldn't take it. He was really drunk as were the rest of them. Then he just grabbed me and started to drag me away from the main area towards the toilets. Thankfully the security man spotted what was going on and came to my help. I was so relieved to see him. I was in tears. The players were treating girls like pieces of meat. It was like a horrendous cattle market." (Note: this isn't the girl that was allegedly raped. It was another.)
"Some of his (Wayne Rooney's) colleagues were gyrating sexily with partners on the dimly-lit main dancefloor while others headed to the balcony upstairs for a sneaky snog." (The Mirror)

Does this all sound tame? Yeah, that's because Ronniekins wasn't there. If he had been, I'm sure that I would be quoting a five-prostitute orgy scandal.

They did it again on Saturday night after securing their third Premiership title in a row (fuck that). While no sexual assaults have been reported, the following details have emerged:
"It was an open bar upstairs in the VIP, so everyone was sloshed. No WAGs were in attendance. Cristiano was hanging out downstairs with the Portuguese massive having a great time beckoning wagabees (note: WAG Wannabees) over. There was some sort of pushy-shovey skirmish between G-Nevs and a “fat man” - people had to hold him back. Wayne Rooney disappeared into the casino on his own do do a little high rolling. And, Ryan Giggs let loose on the dance floor when the Happy Monday’s Step On came on." (Kickette)

In what world is this acceptable? How would you feel if your partner said "Hey honey, I'm going to a work party, you're not allowed to go but there will be models there throwing themselves at us. Don't mind any rumours about sexual assault and the like."
It is so unfair what these wives have to put up with. Just because their husbands provide for them financially does not give them license to act however they want. This is so horrifying.

I mention this because, as I have said, a similar thing is going to happen in my novel. Thank you United, for being a bunch of sleazy jackasses: you are my inspiration.

No More WAGS World

It's been a while since I've updated. Not much to say on the book front since I've been trying to suppress my ravenous, iridescent desire to start my novel early and write 75,000 words in a month and a half.
A few notes before I begin:
-Boston's out of the playoffs. Fuck yeah.
-Manchester United has just clinched their third straight Premiership win. Fuck.
-Sam got into medical school!!!! Woooooooooo!!
-I listened to a children's choir singing 'Funkytown' yesterday. My life will never be the same.

I have decided to stop doing WAGs research through books. Why? Because the genre sucks. In fact, I have reason to believe that I am the leading author of the genre, and that my book 'Can You Hear the Drums Fernando' was the best WAGs book ever. So, why would I waste time caring about what my inferiors are doing? I guess I'm kind of like Ovechkin in that respect.

What's Better Than One Fernando?

I have been thinking a lot about it, and I have decided that Olga will work at the Melwood training ground, where the Liverpool first team and reserves hold their practices. She will be working with the sports medicine doctors on the injured players. It is there that she will meet fellow WAG Sam, probably the girlfriend of Tim O'Shea.
She will work reception and they will be close friends.

I have been reading up on Fern Dawg and scouring the internet for pictures (for research...) and I have found some great stuff that I can use in the book:

1) In his first Liverpool game against Chelsea, John Terry was trying to intimidate him with insults or whatever, but he wasn't bothered because he had no idea what JT was saying!

2) He is really close with his neighbour and Liverpool GK Pepe Reina, and they like to play boardgames.

FT: But when things get bad, we get the board games out.
PR: Yes, boys against girls. We cheat a lot more than they do, and I think its more obvious that we do. (laughter)
FT: Yes (more laughter). At the moment it is 1-1. Things are quite close, and if needed, there has to be some cheating. We have had some great battles!

How hilarious is that, "when things get bad, we get the boardgames out."

3)He is actually exactly how I pictured him as! To quote Pepe Reina:
"I never really got to know you properly until you joined Liverpool. You were quite shy and you never really raised your voice. But after spending more time with you I soon saw that you are actually quite different from what I first perceived. You give everything to those close to you, and you are not at all shy."

PR: I have to say that you are a great bloke and a good friend, someone who is really open. You might come across at first as a bit stand-offish, but that could not be further away from the truth. You are friendly and a bit of a joker.
FT: Well, you are a real cheat, and the worst part, is that it is really easy to spot (laughter). Unlike me, you show your emotions. You are the first player to get behind the players, and you are full of positive energy and you know how to transmit it.

5) Apparently one of his favourite shows is 'Supernanny'...

Inspiration!

There's a reason that I am obsessing over football right now: it provides me with great ideas for my novel! I have already decided to borrow real-life stories from Federico Macheda (this is how Fernando will burst onto the football scene) and Manchester United (they had a wildly inappropriate no-WAGs Christmas party where there was an alleged rape attempt and other debauchery), but inspiration has struck once again! Yesterday in the Champions League semi-final of Chelsea vs. Barcelona, the referee was apparently blind and failed to make several key calls which would have probably changed the result of the match (Barcelona scored in the third minute of injury time and is going on to the final vs. Manchester United). All of the Chelsea players looked like they were going to beat up the referee. Michael Ballack almost did. I think that this is going to happen to Fernando, but he will just sit on the field while everyone goes and tries to beat up the ref. On a side note, I wish this ref luck in getting work at Liam and Nathan's games.
Twenty four days!

WAGS World: An Insult to My Intelligence

I recently blogged about my desire to read the novel WAGS World: Playing the Game. What a fucking mistake. It was a quick read (234 pages), likely because it lacked character development, a coherent plot, a point, or anything else that could have made it a good story. Yes, I should have known. We all remember the cover. But still, I had high hopes for it; I at least thought that it would be entertaining. But sadly, dear readers, entertaining it was not. At about 30 pages in I knew that I did not really want to continue reading, but I pressed on just so I could see the main character smarten up. She was a real idiot. And, in the end, she realized the importance of being true to yourself. Come on! You know it's bad when you wish that Bella would show up and smack the main character for being stupid. This book had FOUR OUT OF SEVEN things in books that I dislike, as outlined in my Magna Carta. Four. Out of seven.
I was worried about reading the book because I thought that it would be too much like For Liberty, Fernando. Well, I worry no more. My book will never, ever, be anything like it. Olga makes good decisions. If there is an obvious misunderstanding that could easily be cleared up by communication, Olga will communicate instead of running off like an asshole. Olga will be understanding of Fernando's commitment to the team. And I will not take every opportunity to make a dig at WAGs. Seriously, the "characters" in the novel were so thinly veiled as real WAGs, it was disgusting.
On a brighter note, I have been a busy reading bee and also completed Nick Hornby's Fever Pitch, his memoirs about living and breathing Arsenal. Very enjoyable, candid, sometimes relatable, and better research for my novel.


In conclusion, I will not be picking up WAGS World: Knowing the Score, the sequel to what I can only describe to be the worst book I have ever read, despite the fact that the main character seems to have exchanged her classy yellow velour track suit for an even classier, fuschia velour booty short track suit. It is obvious why the author chose to remain anonymous.

One Month!

Can you believe it, NaNoWriMo is almost upon us! And in honour of that, I thought that I would post my Magna Cartas from last year, so we can all reflect on whether I stuck to my principles. I vote that I did not.

Things I Love in a Novel
·Requited love
·Humour
·Characters that aren’t beautiful, yet above average
·Jocks
·Beautiful tragedies
·Self-improvement
·Coming of age


Things I Hate in a Novel
·Characters that are overly beautiful and everybody falls in love with them
·Characters making stupid decisions
·Getting caught
·Damsels in distress constantly getting saved
·Girls that are overly bitchy for no reason
·Doing poorly in school, giving up
·Breaking up for no reason

Oh, and in response to those that have asked me to stop posting photos of hot soccer players, I say, "NEVER!" It has always been my opinion that a picture is better than no picture, and a picture of a hot soccer player is better than anything in the world. And in response to those that say that my blog is not actually a NaNoWriMo blog, but a blog that isn't so cleverly disguised as a blog about soccer player's erections, I say, "so?"